that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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