i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
