We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
