I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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