I wish my penis had an off switch
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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