This girl is more easily done than said...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
