You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
