You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
