I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
