I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
