I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he thought i was a dude.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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