I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
