he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
