I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
