Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All the doctor said was why
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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