I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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