ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is the high leading the old right now
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
