You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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