Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
