You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
