mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
