Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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