My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
