I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
