but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
