I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drake has all the answers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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