Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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