I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
