ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
