thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
