I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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