My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
