My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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