Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
