I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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