it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's shark week go big or go home
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
