Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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