oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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