Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
