and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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