We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
