i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
