Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
