Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
