your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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