Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
