also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
its liver damage thursday
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
