Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
