i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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