I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
