He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
