When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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