I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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