I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize