I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
