dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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