allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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