all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
