but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
