Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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