omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
