I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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