He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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