sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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