Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
