and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
