Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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