Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
