so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
